Sometimes it has to get worse before it can get better they say

I had heard that saying before, or at least something similar to it.  I looked around online for an origin to the saying, but didn’t really find anything meaningful about it.  In any case, I hope this is describing what my father is going through at the moment.

First off, my apologies to you but more importantly to myself for not blogging yesterday.  I hate missing a day because the thoughts I had yesterday are not exactly the same today.  In any case, I took the night off and took some me time.  I hung out with some close friends I have known since high school and just talked and had a good time.  I suppose in the past we would have done something fun, but we are getting old so sitting and talking sounded like the most fun thing to do these days 🙂

Mom has had yet another good day.  Her fifth in a row.  I love it.  We have had such a good time talking about all sort of stuff and enjoying each other’s company.  She still has her challenges and we still struggle with things like keeping her feet elevated, using the walker and eating frequently enough.  The eating part is interesting, she does have an appetite when she isn’t too tired to eat, but she has to adjust to eating smaller and more frequent meals.  It is very uncomfortable for her to fill her belly with food or drink, so she has to ‘snack’ more than eat big meals.  When you see her eat a slice of toast and then say she is full, well she is full at least to the point where it starts getting uncomfortable.  So we adjust our thinking and habits accordingly.

So lets talk about dad.  My personal opinion on dad changes far to frequently.  Yesterday I would have said he wont be coming home, that he won’t make it out of the hospital.  Today there is some hope that he will get through this, but we know that he will likely not be home anytime soon.  The doctors are not quite sure what is causing the pneumonia and they are getting ‘experimental’ with treatment.  By that I mean they are trying different combinations of antibiotics to find the mix that will kill off whatever is causing this.  Today they started him on yet another family of antibiotic that target fungal infections to see if that will work.  Part of the problem is that they do not know what kind of bug or bugs they are fighting.  His coughing is dry and they do not have anything to culture.  The nurse said that if they absolutely have to, they have ways of going in after samples, but that it would not be pleasant for dad and they are hesitant to do something that invasive yet.

He has not improved during the time he has been in the hospital.  In some ways he has declined.  He is currently unable to keep his oxygen saturation up because his natural breaths become rapid and shallow.  They have him on a BiPAP machine, which uses positive air pressure to push air into the lungs.  This does two things for him.  The first is that it gives his lungs a rest because it does not require the normal amount of natural muscular effort to breath.  It allows him to maintain oxygen saturation without having to exert effort to do so.  The other thing it does for him is force air into the lungs and hopefully forces fluids out to help dry the lungs.  Some people cannot handle the feeling of PAP machines and struggle against them.  For those of you out there with sleep apnea who have had to use a CPAP, you know what it is like.  I have used a CPAP and can tell you that it takes a little getting used to air being forced in, but if you can relax and let it do the work, it really helps.  The problems are the side effects, things like sores where the mask is on the face or the drying out of mucus membranes.

He has the regular floor doctor that he sees one or more times a day and then he also has an infectious disease specialist that is trying to help the doctors and nurses determine what they are fighting.  He has had some very wonderful and patient nurses the past couple days, including the respiratory therapy specialists.  Mom talked to the floor doctor today about his prognosis and what he is thinking about when treating dad.  He said that dad will not be coming home anytime soon, that once they get the pneumonia under control and he is able to hold oxygen normally, he will need to go into some managed care facility (either at the hospital or privately) to get his strength back and to make sure he stays well enough to go home.  The level of care he will need is greater than was we can provide at home.  When he is stronger and better then he can transition back to home.  The doctor does not know how long that might be.  Sort of depends on the drugs and on dad.  It could be a week or it could be much longer.  If dad gives up then, well you know where that leads.  So he has to remain mental positive and strong and want to get home.  Sadly that is something he struggles with because he is finding it too difficult to picture his life when mom is gone.  So we continue to encourage him.  Mom spoke with the nurse and the doctor today about being careful with their wording so that they do not give him opportunities to give up.  Here is an example, when they put the BiPAP mask on, he asked how long he needed it on.  Mom would have preferred to hear them say until you are better, but the nurse said it depends on how long the patient can stand to have it on.  The nurse did tell him that the longer he keeps it on, the better it will be for him.  However giving him the option to wear it for an hour and be a little bit better versus wear it all day and be a lot better… well frankly we fear he will choose to be just a little bit better.

So, he has not improved yet and we are hopeful they can find the right cocktail of antibiotics to do the trick.  I hope, for mom’s sake, that dad can let got of the anger and the other negative emotions he is drowning in so that we can get him well before mom gets worse.  Mom really needs him to be well to help her through what we know will be rough times for her in the not-so-distant future.  It would be so wonderful to have my daily blogs talk about both of them having good days together.

Well I think that sums up the day.  We shall see what fun stuff tomorrow brings!