Hey mom,
We had your service yesterday and it was exactly what you wanted, except I just could not find an all english tenor version of Con Te Partiro (Time to say goodbye). Outside of that, it was wonderful. You had many friends and family there to celebrate your life and say goodbye. Unfortunately Laverne was not able to be there. I was very sad that she couldn’t make it. We also didn’t take any dadgum picture, especially of the casket which was beautiful. That casket fit you like a glove. The gal that made you up so nice was also LDS. She did a great job. Of course, to me, it wasn’t quite you but that is okay.
Jodi and Andrew left this morning. It was difficult to say goodbye to them, but it was time for them to get back home. Jodi took quite a few of your things so that she could feel your presence at her home like she did here. It was good for her. I am so glad that she was brave enough to come down and help me in your final days. I really don’t know how I would have gone through that alone. I know that you didn’t want to put me through what we went through with dad, but I hope you were at peace with it. There really was no other way to go about it.
I know that you were really struggling that last week. I am so sorry that I couldn’t have made it better for you. I know that your mind was well aware of the limitations your body was placing on you and I know how difficult that was for you. I felt so bad that you desperately wanted to just get up and do your own thing, but those legs of yours were not cooperating. I really hope that I was able to make it as easy as possible for you. I know that you did not want to be in that bed and that you did not want to be sedated so I held off on both for as long as I could. Please tell me I did that right.
I spent the day with Rick and that has been so nice. We went out to breakfast at Charlies. I gave Terri and Tracy a program from your service. They just could not believe that you were gone so quick. They had just seen you in there two weeks prior. Anyway, they were really sweet and said they were going to miss you and dad. After breakfast, Rick and I went up to Julian. We walked around and looked through some shops and then went to Mom’s for a slice of pie. I had the Apple Crumble and Rick had the Apple Cherry Crumble with ice cream. We stopped by the bird store and it was there that I really started to miss you. I know you liked browsing through that place. I saw a throw pillow with same picture on it as the puzzle we put together a month ago. I should have bought it, but didn’t.
When we got back into town, we stopped by the grave to drop off some flowers. In time the grass will grow back together so that it doesn’t look like it was recently dug up. I was okay at the grave site, I didn’t really think anything other than how strange it was that you and dad were just a few feet below us. We also looked for Mo’s grave and paid our respects to her. My friends have been very supportive so I figured I should at least say hi to Shawne’s mom while we were there.
So right now it is just Jason and I at home. I really don’t feel like being here though. I half expect you to walk by my room at any moment and ask me to open a pill bottle or ask what in the world you had done because the TV remote wont work again. There is a pile of mail that needs to be sorted and I will get to that, but right now I just want to not do anything except cry. I know what the Bishop was saying about letting you go and that you are having a new beginning and all that, but dammit I would much rather have you here. I know that you would tell me to cheer up and get on with my life. I know that is what you would want and in time I reckon I will have no choice about that, but right now I just want to hear your voice, even if its yelling at me for something I have done. I want you to hug me and tell me what a beautiful eulogy I delivered at your service (by the comments from people, I gather that to be the case).
Alrighty mom, I have to go for now. Talk to ya later!