I know that I am not alone when choosing seven as my lucky number, but that number does not feel very lucky to me anymore. As a matter of fact, I would not mind at all if the seventh day of the month was removed entirely. Today is November 7 and marks 2 months and 7 months since my mother and father’s passing (respectively). In many ways it seems as though it were just yesterday that they were both here. Regardless of how long it has been since they left us, I still miss them as much today as I did the day they died.
Emotionally I have more good days than bad now, but the bad days still exist and those days are agonizing. There seems to be nothing I can do on those days to get them out of my thoughts. Even trying to replace the thoughts of loss with happy thoughts of them does not seem to help. The good days, however, are those days when I have thought of them very little, if at all. Sometimes I am just filled with the disbelief that they are actually gone.
I spent a lot of time with my parents and I know that each of them struggled tremendously leading up to their passing. I know that I should be thankful that they are no longer suffering and I am of course, but I still cannot help but feel selfishly sad that they are not here. Sometimes I just want to talk with my mother so bad. I just want to hear her tell me that everything is going to be alright. I just want to hear her say anything. I just want to hug her.
Let’s hope that tomorrow is a good day and makes the sadness I feel today go away.