Today marks the three week anniversary of mom’s passing. In some ways that time has flown by and in others it has crawled. Today is one of those days that seems like it is never ending. I had such a good time on my little trip out of town which is the polar opposite of how I have been feeling today. Not so much because it’s a sad day, but rather because it is just sort of lonely. It’s one of those days that I would like to spend with mom.
I went to costco earlier today to pick up a few items that we needed. Items that I forgot to get when I was there last week. I meant to make a list, but these days it seems like I mean to do a lot of things and instead find that the day is gone and I haven’t really done anything. After costco, I stopped by the store to pick up a little bouquet of flowers and took them over to mom and dad. I tidied up around the grave a bit and stopped by to say hi to Mo. Gosh, I cannot believe it has almost been 12 years since Mo passed. I suppose some day I will think the same about mom and dad. Of course in just a little over a week’s time it will have been 6 months since dad died. Anyway, I felt kind of silly going to the cemetery because I know that while their remains are there, they are not. I go anyway, just to say hi.
I looked through some of mom’s photo albums this weekend to get some ideas for the new blog posts, but in a very strange way the pictures seemed foreign. Some of the pictures I hardly recognized my mother. My father has always looked the same to me, but I realized that my mother has changed a lot over the years. Then again, I am most familiar with her most recent look. As a matter of fact, it is very difficult for me to think of my mother without thinking about how she looked as she was taking her last breath and shortly thereafter. It is sad really that it is the image I conjure in my head. Not the mother that two week prior while very thin, still looked alive and strong. Nor the mother from a year before, getting ready to go on her last cruise, looking fit and beautiful. Instead I have the image of the sunken face and glazed over stare.
There are some things I really need to go ahead an tackle. I have a ton of thank you cards to send out. I have a mound of paperwork to sort through. I have to get on the computer and enter all the receipts and bills that have been paid. I just haven’t felt like doing any of that just yet. I also need to get out in front and weed the flower bed, the poor thing is getting to be a jungle. I also have to do something about the tree in the backyard. Jeff chopped it down a couple of months ago and it has grown back to around 8 feet tall again. I have an appointment with the lawyer tomorrow to go over the to do list for the estate. I need to make an appointment with the tax accountant as well to figure out the best way of handling mom and dad’s final tax return. So many things to do and so little desire to do them 🙂 I suppose that once I get started, it will keep me busy and make me feel less like I have been recently. Taking care of mom and dad was a lot of work and then all of a sudden that ended. Sort of like getting canned from a job.
It has been way too quiet around here. We keep the tv on most of the time even though neither Jason nor I spend much time in the living room. I don’t know about Jason, but for me it is comforting to hear the tv in the background. Almost like mom is still out there watching it. Hmm, maybe it’s not such a good thing after all. Who knows. Someday it will feel like our home instead of mom and dad’s home. The phone rarely rings anymore and we haven’t had anyone knock at the door since Jason’s birthday when the home teacher brought by some treats for Jason. That reminds me, I welcome calls from family and friends, hint hint. Hearing from people isn’t going to bother us at all.