Hey ma.. Use your connections to make the solar calls stop will ya?

Hola Mamasita,

I haven’t forgot about you yet, so don’t worry about that 🙂

Today was kind of miserable.  It was the first full day without anyone around here, except for Jason and I.  I haven’t cried today, but it’s early yet so we shall see how that goes.  Wanted to a couple of times.  It is super strange to walk through the house and not see you.  I imagine in time that will become less strange.  I think about you a lot.

It was really nice to have family around for all of this.  Jodi was a huge help and she was so brave through it all.  Your passing had at least one positive to it though, it gave me a chance to rekindle my friendship with Rick.  He and I spent a lot of time talking about all sort of things including you and dad.  You might not know this, but he really felt like you two were surrogate parents for him when he needed it.  I think he might be regretting not seeing you before you passed so that he could tell you himself just how much he thought of you.  He got to tell me though and it warmed my heart.  I certainly missed his presence in my life and we are both to blame for how we had drifted apart.  I think this event has strengthened our relationship.  As you know he has been going through his own trials and I can tell you that you were wrong in your assumption 🙂

I am going out to dinner with Shawne, Shelly and Ron tonight.  Looking forward to that.  I am really glad they have been there for me.  I suppose I need to learn to lean more on people when I need it though.  I have always felt uncomfortable letting people get close.  You know all about my fears and insecurities.  I am fortunate though that I had made such long lasting bonds with people like Shawne, Shelly and Ron.  They might be weird at times, but they sure are good people.

I have some plans for things around the house.  Jodi and I talked about some of them and you and I talked about the others.  I need to replace the tires on the van.  I am also going to make some changes in the backyard that I hope you won’t disagree with.  The society garlic plants have to go.  I know you liked them but I am pretty sure you were the only one that did.  I know dad hated them.  They are not bad to look at but every time I have to work around them or trim them I end up gagging from that horrid smell they have.  Also the asparagus fern and the other plants with thorns are also coming out.  Don’t worry I will reluctantly leave your roses alone (though I do plan on asking Juan if it will be okay to prune them down to nubs) because I know that you really like those.  I just cannot take any more snags on my pants or scratches on my legs when I walk by that fern.  I am also going to take out that other geranium.  I might replace it with the same thing, but try to not let it get so full that the center dies off.  I would have to replace the trellis the geranium was growing on as well, it was getting pretty rickety.  I am going to move the bench into the flower bed somewhere and replace it with something softer to sit on.  There are more things that need to be done, but that should keep me busy for now.

Jason is doing alright.  I hope that you had a chance to talk with him before you got too sick.  His birthday is just around the corner and I had meant to remind you so that you could let him know you knew that it was approaching.  I asked Jason to let me know if there was anything special he needed or wanted to do for his birthday.  I think he deserves to be treated well this birthday.

The weather has decided to get even hotter.  Jodi thinks that we should bit the bullet and put in A/C.  I am not sure if that would be a wise thing to do or not.  I never asked you why that had not been done in the 37 summers you have been through in this house.  There must be a reason, so I am inclined to just tough it out and keep the fan’s running.

Although it seems like we were always talking, I regret that there are things we did not talk about.  When I think of the times that we could have been talking and weren’t it makes me a bit mad.  I even had a list that I did not get through.  I know that you wanted to write each of the kids letters as well.  If you did that when I wasn’t looking, give me a hint where they would be.  I doubt you did though.  I wanted to suggest that you record it on video, but time ran out.  It also pains me to think about that long conversations we had that I messed up and didn’t hit the record or something because I don’t have anything.  Just like some of the behind the scenes things we did at the wild animal park.  I was sure I was recording, but alas no video so I must have messed it up.  Thankfully I did record the most important part.. phew.

Well I suppose I will end it here for now.  I am sure there was more I wanted to say, but if I think of them I can always say it later.

Love you lots!