[getty src=”AA047534?et=E8nT1XnEQFph_cQdwGl8nQ&sig=KlxvdSJGZsu1xDfnmgSL6W4yvAn8VUyjZbDuZaA2eWs=” width=”417″ height=”461″]
You expect after losing someone you love that holiday’s will be difficult. This holiday might not rank very high on the list of the difficult holiday’s to get through for most people, but it is for us. My father was a veteran and dearly loved Memorial Day. His tradition was to travel back to his hometown and to the nearby town where his sister and her family lived to celebrate Memorial Day. He would get together with his nephews and help plant flags at the Peabody cemetery a couple of days prior to Memorial Day and then on Memorial Day he would watch the gun salute at the Canton cemetery followed by the Memorial Day Parade in Lehigh. Although my father was in the Navy from 1955 until 1959 when there was not a darned thing to do in the world but travel and perform drills (a fact that excluded him from the American Legion) he was still proud to have served in the military and reverently celebrated the lives of those that were lost fighting for this country. We will add dad to those we remember on Memorial Day. Thank you dad!
On other dad related news, my mother and sister went through a lot of dad’s things today to decide what can be pitched, what can be given away and what items family members might like to have. There were a couple of items that I wanted to hang onto. I have dad’s dog tags and his belt/buckle. Also got a pair of gym shoes, shorts and a ball cap. There was one other item that really only meant something to he, my mother and I. Many years ago when he and my mother were going to the wild animal park frequently, they saw an older couple wearing hands. The gentleman was wearing a pith helmet. My father surmised that when he and my mother got old and when he had a pith helmet then they too could hold hands in public. It was just a silly little inside joke. So for one of his birthday’s (or maybe it was a christmas) I gave him a pith helmet, which has now been returned to me. I must say, I look smashing in it. Better than dad looked with it on anyway 🙂
Not sure how much stuff Jodi and my mother cleared out, but they spent most of the afternoon going through stuff. I suppose in a way we are erasing the physical presence of dad, which is fine because we always have memories. I never pushed for mom to deal with dad’s stuff. I figured that in time she would take care of it and if she didn’t then we would as we combed through her things as well. Jodi wanted to get it done though. She would rather take care of it now instead of putting it off to a later time. I suppose I can understand that she doesn’t want to have to deal with both mom and dad’s things at the same time, but I am just not as concerned with that. The position I have taken on all of my parents affairs has been as long as they cover the things that were important to them for when they are gone, then the rest will just work itself out. I hope I am not being naive on this point, but I really don’t think I am. Take the property in Idaho for instance. My sister would like for mom to sell it off now so that we don’t have to bother with it later, whereas my stance is “does it really matter.” I would rather endure the hassle later than make what time we have with mom more difficult. I would rather have her just focus on fun, enjoyable living and we are nearly at that point with the legal loose ends all but tied now. So if mom wants to clear up other things, fine.. if not, that is fine too. The only thing I have ever been concerned with is making sure I knew what mom (and dad) wanted after they are gone and how I was to go about it. Now that I know those things, I am content.
Enough of that for now. While I have other serious topics to get off my mind, I think that I shall move onto a lighter topic. My mother, sister and I went up to my brother’s place today to visit with my niece and grandnephew. My grandnephew is now walking (and sort of running) quite well now. He also understands how to migrate towards things he likes, but hasn’t mastered the idea of No yet. Mom so wants to have the energy to hold and play with her only great-grandchild. She thinks he is just the cutest little thing ever. I suppose that could be true, but honestly he is just a little kid and has all the attributes of one. Screaming, crying, cranky, doesn’t listen, etc. I am not a kid person as you can tell. The best part of someone else’s kid though… you can leave them when you have had enough 🙂
Jodi and mom just love the little guy and can’t get enough of him. He on the other hand see’s these two crazy women fawning over him and pretty much says, “No thank you.” Also, I realized looking at this picture that today there must have been some sort of secret girls club memo come out that said wear pink today.
Mom continues to do well. I like that she plans for things to do in the future even if those things wont actually ever happen. She was talking about things that she wants to do in June. It is good for her to make plans as it gives her things to look forward to and milestones to live for.
We have a little dilemma going on right now though. Last year I worked at the San Diego County Fair, a month-long ordeal of standing in primarily dirt lots and directing cars where to go for 8 hours a day. The fair is coming up in two weeks and I am scheduled to work it again this year. The problem is that mom would rather I didn’t work it. She says that it’s because she hates to see me come home hunched over and in pain every day (which I do) but I think she has gotten used to me being around for her. I think she is worried that I won’t be around if she needs something or if something were to happen. I happen to share her concern. I have been looking at the schedule of things we have to do in June (chemo and doctor appointments and such) and I would rather be available for those things. I have already let the fair know of the dates that I know we have something specific to do. I also do not necessarily want to come home hunched over and in pain every day either. The problem is two-fold. I don’t want to burn any bridges and the other is I like having a little bit of my own spending money. When all of this is over and mom is gone, I will need to go back to work, so I need to keep good references. The fairgrounds also has events that go on pretty much every weekend so some weekends I get called to work. I want to make sure I keep a good relationship with those folks. They know all about my situation and have been quite amiable to the days off that I need. Normally if you cannot commit to the entire fair they just drop you and find another minion to work. There is also the making some money aspect to this. It’s not a lot and really nowhere near what I used to make when I was working full-time, but it is something. Every little bit that I don’t have to rely on mom to toss me a few bucks here and there is nice for me. Now I realize that I am working pretty much full-time for my mother as her caretaker, but I still don’t like depending on mom. So we have this little quandary. I am really torn on this one. On the one hand I would like to work and on the other I would hate to look back with regret to a decision like this. I am sure I will figure out the right thing to do.
I am really feeling guilty about lapses in blogging as well. I don’t know what it is, but I have been so tired lately and I just haven’t been interested in the things that I used to be. Instead I spend more time with mom, which is a good thing, but might not be the best thing because I can feel myself being weighed down emotionally and that ends up being draining physically. It’s strange how that works, but it seems to happen that way. Perhaps it’s just my insecurities about mom’s last hospital trip(s). It was reminiscent of what we went through with dad and I feel like any moment I will be getting bad news. Like I am waiting for the other shoe to drop (had to actually google that to find out the origin, pretty interesting). So when it comes to blogging, which can take a couple of hours to finish a blog (for instance, I started this one 4 hours ago), I often times opt to just sit in the living room with mom or go to bed. If I still had my laptop it might make it easier to blog while I am siting with mom, but I suppose that is a moot point since I do not have a laptop anymore.
Well, as I mentioned, I have started this post 4 hours ago so I think I shall wrap it up here and call it a day.