Prescription drugs have side effects. Any time you alter the body’s chemistry, you have to assume there may be unintended consequences. For some drugs, the list of side effects is lengthy and potential serious. For the vast majority of us, we take the drugs our doctors prescribe and rarely give thought to the possible side effects. We trust that doctors know what they are doing and wouldn’t give us something that makes things worse. Well, that isn’t always the case. The doctor knows how the drugs are supposed to help us, but they are unable to say with any certainty if we will experience any of the side effects. Sometimes we have to play a little game with drugs to see if the side effects, when they occur, can be reduced or managed. I do find it odd that sometimes the side effects are the very things the drugs are supposed to be alleviating.
This morning I noticed that mom was quite unsteady on her feet. She was also not as mentally aware as she normally is, which I will admit is already hindered by the chemotherapy. She was complaining about twitching in her arms as well. Once she pointed it out, I noticed that the twitching is quite frequent and is even present when she is sleeping. In addition to all this, she has been more lethargic and sleeping more frequently the past couple days.
I had attributed this to a number of possibilities. I thought maybe the twitching and her tiredness was because she had worked out twice this week, something she had not done in quite a while now. I also thought maybe she was just a bit dehydrated or that she was deficient in magnesium. Then I remembered she started a new drug last weekend and that per the instructions we upped the dosage yesterday. The warning from the doctor and the pharmacist was that it may cause drowsiness, which is why we started at a low dose and increased the dose after seeing how she was reacting. So I went online and looked up the side effects of this drug. They included muscle twitching, balance issues, confusion and drowsiness. It went on to say that 15% of people using this drug stop because of the side effects. I decided to cut out this evening’s dose and we will see how she is in the morning. I will also need to call her doctor tomorrow to see if she should stop taking it altogether.
All day I had been worried that Zombie Mom may be coming back for a visit. I don’t know if I could handle that right now. Especially since she will be having another round of chemo next week and next weekend (the one after Easter) is the open house for dad. I know that at some point in time she will become more ill as her cancer progresses, but given that she seemed to be responding to chemo, I hope that will still be a ways in the future. It is heart breaking because she knows that she cannot remember things very well. It has been especially bad the past day or two and she has expressed that it really sucks. I just want her to be okay for right now. I want her to feel like herself and not like a fraction of who she is.
It is difficult to explain what it is like caring for her. I try to let her do things for herself, but she is constantly running into road block mentally. Last night she couldn’t figure out how to work the TV remote. Today she couldn’t figure out how to use her cell phone. These were simple mistakes she was making, but when I showed her what she needed to do, she just couldn’t believe how difficult things are sometimes. One of the things I have been battling for a while now is her coffee. She does not have the strength that she used to in her arms, so I tell her just fill her cup halfway. When I fill her cup for her, I only fill it half way, but then she goes and fills it to the brim. Next thing you know coffee is dripping all over. The carpet got a shower this morning. Just a few minutes ago she was filling her cup and I told her only half way, but it was too late. She had it clear to the top. This morning she asked if we had anything we needed to do today. I told her that there was only two things we needed to do and the rest of the day was free. She then said, “You run out of gas and you will be sorry buddy.” I asked what she meant and she realized maybe she was blurting out some nonsense and just shook her head in disgust and saying, “Oh never mind.”
Now, mind you, this strange behavior isn’t constant. We have lots of discussion that are very lucid and make perfect sense. She doesn’t necessarily remember the details of the conversation a half hour later, but that is okay. I also don’t want to make it sound like she is bat-shit crazy because she isn’t. She carried on a fine conversation with her nephew Larry earlier today. I am merely pointing out some of the little struggles we go through these days. That those moments of struggle can really tug at the ol’ heart strings. I have to keep in mind that she is also grieving the loss of her husband while having to deal with these other issues as well. It is stressful enough trying to take care of everything that needs to be handled after the death of someone, it must be that much harder when you have short term memory and concentration issues as well.
Yesterday we stopped by the cemetery on our way back from the gym and got information about a plot for mom and dad. The plan is for dad to be put in the casket with mom and both of them will be buried in a single grave with a headstone that lists both of their names. We looked at various spots that mom might like and we will go back there sometime soon. At least I know what she was looking for and I know what costs we are looking at for the plot, so I don’t have to worry about that as much. Now we need to go to the mortuary and get information on their services and look at caskets.
I think I need to end this post now. It seems very depressing.
Well I think that sums up the day. We shall see what fun stuff tomorrow brings!