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Dear Medical Professional,
I am a caregiver for my parents, both of whom were diagnosed with cancer in the last 6 months. My father’s was stage 3 with 2 localized lymph nodes involved while my mother’s is stage 4 metastatic lung cancer that has spread to the liver, ribs, spine and brain. Obviously we have spent many hours with various medical professionals as we move forward with treatment and care for each of them. We have been with the primary physician, chemotherapy oncologist, radiation oncologist, radiology and lab technicians, emergency room and hospital doctors and nurses, pulmonary specialists and biopsy practitioners many times over the last several months. My parents are both in their mid to late 70s so the closest they have been to surgeons is the folks that installed their power ports.
In our many excursion to visit your brethren, we have encountered some of the most awesome people. They have been so attentive, patient, caring and empathetic when dealing with whatever issue brought my parents to see them. We have had some of them go extra miles, giving us direct phone numbers and returning calls very quickly. One of you spent a little extra time talking with my parents about things unrelated to their medical problems. Another one of you had the most incredible bedside manner. I am including the hospital orderly’s, the volunteers and the interns when I talk about medical professionals. You are tasked to do a very special job, you often times work long hours and you are pulled in many directions. I admire your ability to juggle multiple patients, keeping straight in your head each one of their conditions and needs. I thank you for the awesome job you do and only wish that I had kept a record of all your names so I could personally follow-up and thank you for the job you are doing.
However, there are colleagues among you that do not deserve any thanks. We have encountered a few medical professionals that clearly do not exhibit the professional portion of their job category. These are the folks that are doctors and nurses that should have chosen a different profession, perhaps one where they did not have to deal with people. They are very bad at a very important part of their job. That part is the caring part of patient care. We have had to deal with some truly nasty and awful people. Now it may not be quite fair for me to characterize them as awful people seeing how I do not know them, but I somehow doubt I am wrong on this assessment. These are the people who make you feel like you are an interruption in their life, the ones that have terrible bedside manner, the ones that rush you in and out to without nary a chance to ask a question or two. The ones that, when you do get to ask a question, are dismissive of your concern or make you feel stupid for asking the question. These people belittle their patients and treat them poorly. From the doctor who speaks in a loud harsh tone that is so off-putting to the nurse who takes forever to respond to your call for assistance. The people who lie to you because it is easier and quicker than it is to tell you the truth, meanwhile half hour later you are wondering if that pain medication they said would be here in 10 minutes is ever going to arrive.
To the parents of future health professionals, if your child does not want to be in that profession, please, for the love of patients everywhere let that kid become an artist or window washer or whatever it is they aspire to do. Quit forcing your kids to become doctors. You are just filling the system with resentful, angry caregivers.
To the hospital/clinic administrators, please take good care of your staff. They work hard to make you money. They should be recognized for their patient care and not for how many patients they see. Allow them to flourish and in turn you will have life long happy customers in the form of patients that were treated well.
To patients dealing with these nasty people, I feel for you. We have been there. It is not fun when you find yourself at the point you want to complain or have the person in question removed from providing your care. I know how frustrating it can be when you feel that you are not being heard and that your concerns are not being addressed.
To those of you in the health care profession that find yourself treating your patients poorly. Please reconsider your lot in life. Either change your attitude or change your profession. Your job is to help your patients, but that does not mean you have to do so in a bitter manner. I know that patients can be difficult at times. I too can get frustrated when trying to get my parents to listen to something or to do something they do not want to do. You have to remember that your patient is coming to you in a time of need. They do not and should not give a rip how bad your day has been. You should greet them with a smile and attend to them as if they were your own loved one. I am tired of dealing with your problem in addition to my parent’s. Not to mention that your mood affects the mood of my parents. If you are upbeat and make them feel good, they will be in a much better mood. Think about this as well, if your patients are feeling good, they just might be less demanding of your time.
To those wonderful people we have had the pleasure to meet in our journey through cancer treatment and all the side effects that have come along for the ride. I cannot thank you enough for the most noble and awesome job you do each day. I pray you can maintain the strength to keep going. I wish there was more I could do for you to show the depth of my appreciation. You have made each of our trials so much easier. You have listened to us and helped us a great deal. You have been warm, loving and caring and that is so needed during times of distress.
Finally a special thanks to the wonderful interns and volunteers. As the interns move forward in their pursuit of a career in health care, keep a hold of that fantastic attitude you have shown us. Learn each day from the things that will want to weigh you down. Encourage your peers to do the same. Fight for patients. Volunteers, bless you. It is such a wonderful gift you are giving to others. May your ‘paying it forward’ bring the same back to you should you ever be in need of it.
Respectfully,
A caregiver to two parents battling cancer