Something happened this morning that, while I figured could happen, I didn’t really expect to see happening. I will preface this by saying that I am unlikely to capture the true nature of this event through words. This is one of those times I wish I had a video recorder rolling, but in hindsight its better that I didn’t. Intrigued yet? Well it has to do with the title of this post. Mom and Dad, I am sorry if sharing this would upset you, but I think it is good for people to hear about stuff like this so that if and when they have to go through it themselves, it might not be so bad.
I have mentioned in previous posts that my parents emotions are all over the place. My mother had her second chemotherapy treatment today. The appointment was at 9 am this morning and was expected to last at least 6 hours. It takes about 10 minutes to get from here to the appointment. Well okay, 15 minutes the way my dad drives 🙂 About 8:15 am, that’s 45 minutes before the appointment, dad asks me to make sure mom has got everything she needs for the day. So I go about seeing how I can help her. She was running a bit late, but there was certainly no need to panic. Dad, on the other hand, felt differently and you could hear the anxiety in his voice. Now I don’t really know why his anxiety level was so high. Even if they were late to the appointment, it wasn’t going to be the end of the world, but still he was anxious to get going. To add to the anxiety, we found out that prior to chemo mom is supposed to take a certain medication (at 12 hours and 6 hours before treatment). I did not know this and she forgot about it. That just added to dad’s anxiety level. Mom was busily trying to sort out her pills for the day, which by the way can drug companies please find a pill bottle top that people without strength can open… PLEASE, which is a frustrating task for her. She was trying to finish off a bowl of cereal so that her meds didn’t upset her stomach. Meanwhile I am trying to get the rest of her things ready so I am asking her questions as I go about that task.
And then it happened. She said that the only thing left to add to her bag of things she needs for the day is a blanket. She motioned to the desk in the kitchen and I saw something that was ‘blanket-like’ sitting on the desk chair, so I grabbed it and said, “Is this it?”. Just then she pulled the blanket she was talking about out of another bag and I realized what I was holding was not it. So I put it back on the chair. Dad happened to walk in as I did this and said in a very innocent way, “We need to find some place to put that.” This comment sparked a little quarrel. My mother didn’t understand what he meant and she asked him what he was talking about. Now you have to understand that both my parents have short fuses right now and you never know what might light those fuses. They also blow up differently. Dad got annoyed, probably more by the way my mother has asked her question, and said that thing has been sitting here a long time and we need to put it away somewhere. Mom explained where it came from, which was probably directed at me, but dad (who already knew where it came from) got a little more irritated by the explanation. Mom picked up this blanket looking thing, as if to put it away somewhere, and BOOM! Dad’s fuse reached the stick of dynamite. He immediately start hitting his head with his hands, shaking, crying and bouncing up and down all the while muttering whatever it was. It looked like a 5 year old having a tantrum. Mom threw the blanket thing at him, he grabbed the bag she had packed and said he would be in the car.
Of course it didn’t happen that quickly, but pretty close. During the end of the event, after mom had realized just how upset he had gotten, she and I were telling him it was okay. That there was no need to get upset and to calm down. Not in a harsh tone mind you, but in a concerned and caring tone. Mom grabbed her purse, said that she hoped I have a good day and gave me a hug. As I figured she was going to walk out the door next, I asked her if she was going to go out without her hair on. “Oh shit”, she exclaimed and headed for the bathroom to put on her beautiful coif. She asked me to tell dad she forgot her hair and would be out in a minute.
I went out to the car and told dad, who was still visibly upset, that everything would be alright. That he just needed to breath and calm down. He said that he should never open his mouth and I told him that opening his mouth was not the problem. He was still in a hurry to get in the car and leave and I could tell he just didn’t want to talk about it. So I told him mom would be out in a second, that she forgot to put on her wig.
One of the things I need to get across to one of their doctors is that they need some sort of help controlling their emotions. This really had nothing to do with what he said, but rather how they speak to each other and what they hear when the other one speaks. Since both of them are going through tough times and both have mental focus problems it does not take much to get confused on something that is happening. Even myself, using rational thought, can get caught off guard by something they say or how they react to something. If dad calls for me and I don’t respond quickly enough, he gets upset. If I asked mom how she is doing too often, she gets upset. Rational thought would have prevented everything that happened this morning, but instead anxiety reared it’s ugly head and all hell broke loose.
For anyone who has experienced increased levels of anxiety, you know how frustrating and scary that can be. For me, I react to anxiety by getting dizzy, hot and feeling like I am going to pass out. For dad, it would seem anxiety brings out emotions that he normally would not exhibit. Mom reacts to it by getting quiet and withdrawn.
My goal for this post, wasn’t to expose the dark side of my parents or to embarrass them. It was to bring to light that in stressful situations, these kind of events may happen so people can think about what they would do when it occurs. It will also help those readers that are going through similar life changing situations understand what they are likely to encounter.