Now that I have caught up all the happens to current day, I can start getting creative with the post titles 🙂
Today was supposed to be a ‘free’ day. No appointments. So I was hoping that I could get mom up and at ’em early enough to do some much-needed grocery shopping. I was running out of things to cook them for dinner! However, yesterday late afternoon the salon called and mom’s wig was ready, so she ended up with a 4:30 appointment to get it fitted and styled and show her how to care for it.
Just before we left to go shopping, one of the relief society gals came by to drop off a walker that she offered to let my mother borrow. Thank heavens for that. I had been getting so worried about her falling. As long as I can get her to use it, I will have some peace of mind. I adjusted the height and she took it for a little test run in the house before setting off to go shopping.
Shopping started out ok. We had four places to go. We needed to stop at CVS first to pick up a prescription and then it was off to Costco for the bulk items. She was doing really good until we got about half way around the store and then the pain started to get unbearable and she was getting tired so I sent her up to the front of the store to order a pizza and sit at the tables they have there. Thank goodness for that walker, I was able to let her go by herself. I was really pleased with how long she lasted in the store, but there was still some shopping left to do so I finished it on my own. When I got up to the registers, I flagged her over so that she could pay for the groceries. One thing you have to keep in mind is that hers (mind that is) doesn’t work so well right now. She gets confused easily and cannot remember a dang thing. So while paying with her debit card she accidentally hit $20 cash back. That got her flustered and then she got confused by how it was listed on the receipt and was questioning the receipt with the cashier. That was followed by frustration as she wasn’t understanding the receipt, but walked away anyway. I could tell it was bothering her so I asked if she would like me to explain it. To us ‘normal’ people there would have been no confusion, but her mind does not work like ours anymore. She just got more frustrated because she was battling with the pain, being tired and the confusion all at once. We forgot to pay for the pizza she ordered, so I had to go back and get that taken care of. We also got coffee beans that I needed to grind before we left, so mom had to wait a bit longer. She was a trooper though. I got the groceries loaded into the car while she sat by the entrance and then I brought the car around and picked her up.
Next stop was Wal-Mart, just around the corner. I went in and got was we needed while she waited in the car. We were supposed to also go by Stater Bros for the non-bulk items, but she was way too tired and just wanted to get home.
On the way home we talked about a couple of things. One of them was that we needed to come up with some routine so that when she was no longer able to make the trip to the grocery store, I could do the shopping without her. I don’t want my name added to their bank accounts. That would be a bad idea. So I suggested the easiest thing would be for me to just take either her’s or my dad’s debit card with me when I needed to go shopping. Since it is debit and I would be using a pin, there won’t be any issues with showing ID and all that. Well except for Costco, where I will need to get a membership so that I can shop there without taking one of them along. She agreed that at some point she probably won’t be able to go shopping. I agreed that for now she still could. Though it makes shopping takes so much longer than it has to right now 🙂 I also told her that I do not think of helping them out as a burden. Ask me six months from now and I might have a different take on it, nah I doubt it. I explained that I don’t view this situation as a ‘have to’ situation, but rather it is a privilege that I get to help them out. Sure it’s hard work and can be emotionally draining, but I don’t regret a moment of it.
We also talked about my father and that his condition, that is not getting any better, could very well be because he just doesn’t want to get better. He has mentioned on a couple of occasions that he would like to die first. That attitude really upsets my mother. I explained to her that, while it’s not a healthy attitude, it was a compliment to my mother. He does not want to live without her. I think she can kind of see the point, but it still upsets her. I told her that neither of them wants to see the other one die, so it’s just a crappy situation all around. We also talked about more personal things about family members and then just some silly banter. When we arrived home, the plan was for her to take about an hour-long nap before we had to get to her hair appointment. That plan was scrapped though when my older brother, Jeff, stopped by to see how the parents were doing. His visit was nice and really made my parents happy, but I wish he would have just called instead. Not because I don’t want him around, but rather he was just getting over a cold. For all of you planning on a visit, either with my parents or someone else whose immune system is compromised, if you are sick then just don’t. Chemo patients are susceptible to infections and disease. They would love a visit from healthy people! In any case, they were really happy that Jeff stopped by.
I got all the groceries put away and had a little bite to eat before having to leave for the hair appointment. On the way there, which was only 2 miles down the road, mom expressed that she was really nervous about getting a wig. Turns out the timing was perfect because her hair started coming out in clumps this morning. She had one heck of a time doing up her hair this morning. You could tell it was rather depressing for her. I tried to liven the mood and make little jokes that she would appreciate. I think it helped a little. We got to the salon and the stylist (Cathy) was really wonderful in helping calm my mother’s apprehension in this step of her ordeal. She looked at my mother’s hair to see how much was falling out already and talked about how that process works. She also recommended that my mother allow her to cut her hair short to make the wig fit better and prevent matting of her own hair as it continues to fall out. My mother saw the wig sitting on the table and thought it looked too dark, but once Cathy put in on her head she saw that it actually looked quite nice. Some people may be able to tell her hair style changed and the color changed a bit, but most people probably will not notice a difference. By the time Cathy had it fitted and styled it up a bit, showed her how to style it herself and care for it and even tossed in a free pair of clip on earrings, mom was feeling pretty good about the situation. She turned around and asked me how it looked. I told her it was beautiful. I actually had to leave and go outside for a little bit because I was starting to tear up. I know how much my mother worried about her hair falling out and how she would look. It was just so wonderful to see her relax a bit and even enjoy the new look for a moment. It was really touching.
We headed home and she asked what dad was going to say. I said, he will probably say you look beautiful. Well, that wasn’t quite the response she got when she walked in. Instead he looked and said, I can’t tell if that is your hair or a wig. Hopefully she accept it as a compliment.
She cannot sleep with the wig on and she has had a long day so she took the wig off for the night. Hopefully she will get used to seeing herself without her own hair when the wig is off. I think she looks beautiful with or without it!
Dad never did get dressed today. He stayed in his robe the entire day. I know that does not make my mother happy. She was hoping she would feel well enough after shopping for the both of them to take a short walk around the cul-de-sac, but that didn’t happen either.
My cousin Cathy called while we were out. I had told her yesterday that the afternoon would be a good time to call because there were no appointments, well I lied. Actually the hair appointment was setup after I emailed her yesterday and shopping got started later and lasted longer than I anticipated. So I called Cathy back and handed the phone to mom. They talked for a long time. Mom said it was so good to hear from her and wished she could talk longer, but was just getting too tired.
Oh yea, another glimpse into my mother’s poor memory. Three times today she in one way or another was unclear was day today was/what day tomorrow is. Having to help her with repeated things like that makes me a bit sad. I can’t really imagine was it must be like for her.
Well I think that sums up the day. We shall see what fun stuff tomorrow brings!